A filosofia revolucionária de Harmony Korine
O projeto Cinema Reloaded arrecada dinheiro de fãs para financiar 3 curtas de três diretores, um deles é Harmony Korine. Quem der grana fica creditado como co-produtor do curta-metragem.
Harmony Korine é o autor da obra-prima Gummo (1997), além de ter escrito o roteiro de Kids (1995). Casualmente o curta dele é o que tem menos grana investida até agora. Só porque ele é um idiota? Ahah. Só porque o longa mais recente dele – Trash Humpers – foi feito em VHS e é um ultraje a tudo? Só porque ele aparentemente não fala sério nunca?
O curta que ele pretende fazer para esse projeto é God’s joke, sobre a pessoa com a cara mais horrível do mundo e que quer se tornar a pessoa mais engraçada do mundo. Ela faz o stand-up mais engraçado do mundo, mas ninguém consegue olhar na cara dela, porque é escrotíssima. Não julgue minha redundância, é proposital.
Os outros diretores do projeto escreveram suas primeiras palavras nos seus respectivos blogs do lance. Textos sérios, embora simples e curtos. Korine escreveu o dele, “I like cinema” e começa com I like cinema it makes me feel real good. É outro ultraje, muito provavelmente uma mentira, não tem nada a ver com cinema ou com o Cinema reloaded. O que faz do texto um ótimo texto, ahahah. Se bem que, depois de ter assistido o programa de tevê alemão Durch die nacht mit… Harmony Korine and Gaspar Noé e dar uma sacada no tipo de gente com quem o Korine parece conviver, até dá pra crer na veracidade do texto. Leia o que o cretino escreveu:
I like cinema it makes me feel real good. sometimes when i eat chocolate it drips down my chin and reminds me of the first time i ever touched a girls nipples. her name was looloo and she stunk like pop corn. looloo worked in a movie theater and in the late 80’s she gave me a real nice hand job while i watched the film goodfellas. i also found a set of car keys on the floor. after she gave me a hand job then we walked through the parking lot and stuck the keys in the door of every parked car. there was a dog in the back a red Buick who had vomit all over his lips, he kept barking like crazy. that was the last car we checked and then we stuck the car key in and it worked perfectly. looloo had some extra chloroform that she had stolen from her science class. she put it over the rag and then accidental suffocated this poor dog to death. i remember looking at her and feeling really bad for the dog but looloo wasn’t wearing a bra and she was making sure that her nipples were hard. i kept thinking that i might marry this bitch. but now the question was what to do with this dead dog. so we waited till everyone got out of the movie theater. we wrapped the dead dog in a blanket and stuffed it in her bosses office. she thought it would be a good joke. her boss was a gay man and he was real sloppy with the way he ran the cinema so looloo thought it would be a nice gesture to drop off this dead dog behind her bosses wooden desk. we left the dog and then jumped in the stolen car. i remember that the car smelled like onions mixed with maple syrup. looloo said she wanted to drive to the beach. i said no way, that’s 800 miles from here. looloo said that she would lick my ass if i agreed to drive with her to Miami. i had never had my ass licked before and i had never been to Miami either. i told her i thought that getting my ass licked sounded kind of strange and maybe even a little too gay. she said no way. she said that once her mother had licked the ass of Marcello Mastriani and that it had been one of her greatest life achievements. i said lets do it bitch. so we drove Miami. for some reason i could only get a boner if looloo was sitting next to me in a movie theater. we didn’t have much money so we snuck into theater where they were playing a film that could have been Jurassic Park. i can remember all the dinosaurs and an old women who had her shoes off in front of us. looloo gave me another hand job and it was great. i busted a nut when all these people started killing the dinosaurs with electric wire. it was great. it was shortly after that looloo called her mother back home who was suffering from cocaine addiction and ulcers. her mother said the police were after us. she said the dog looloo killed was a famous supreme court judge who was pissed off and ready to prosecute the hell out of us. her mom said she would buy us a ticket to Brazil and we could live out there for the rest of our lives and never look back. for some reason all that i kept thinking about was how looloo still hadn’t licked my ass yet. i had seen one porno in the 5th grade where a Chinese women licked the ass of a man in donkey costume. i kept thinking that if we did go to jail then i should at least get my ass licked. it just so happened that the movie goodfellas was playing at midnight in Orlando Florida. so we drove to Orlando. looloo jirked off a garbage man for the gas money. she licked my ass in Orlando that night. i have to admit that it did feel wonderful. i was watching Joe Pesci the whole time that was strange. the next day we abandoned the car and rolled it off a cliff so that no one could find us. we went to the beach and begged for spare change. looloo met a hippie and disappeared. i was pissed at her but i also felt relieved. i took a grayhound bus back home and i was arrested on the spot when i walked into my house. my neighbor called the cops on me. i spent one year in juvenile prison. the funny thing is that while i was in prison the only movies that we could watch on VHS were goodfellas and Jurassic park. when i got released i found out looloo had jumped off the golden gate bridge and died. i felt really bad for a few hours but then i remembered how good it was when she licked my ass and what a gift she had given me. i think that’s what started my love affair with the cinema and shaped my groundbreaking philosophy.
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